Tuesday, 11 November 2014

A Letter to Snow

Dear Snow,

First off, let me say welcome back! I hope you enjoyed your summer vacation up North, but I’m glad you decided to come back again this year, since we didn’t leave on the warmest of terms. It feels like ages since you’ve been around, and I’m glad we finally get to hang out again. I have so many things I want to do. Outdoor skating, skiing, snowmen…do you wanna build a snowman?
But before I get carried away, I want to get some things straight, which is why I’m writing this letter in the first place. See, last year, when you came to visit, there were some…issues. You didn’t leave on a great note last year. You managed to anger most people I know. And I’d like to prevent that this year.

The first thing is you can’t overstay your welcome. I know, this sounds a bit cold, but you gotta get used to that. You came around November, and suddenly it’s April and you’re still crashing in the back yard. That’s not going to happen this year. I know times are tough, that it’s getting warmer everywhere and you’re finding fewer places you’re comfortable hanging out, but that’s not my problem. That’s just the inconvenient truth. There have been several times where you’ve ruined my plans with Spring because you’re still here and I have no place for him to stay.

Speaking of Spring, stop being such a jerk to him. Before you get all icy with me, just listen. Last year, I go and visit some friends down in Moose Jaw at the end of April. Spring had tagged along, though he was still warming up to the area. Then, when I go to drive home the next day, you push him out of the car and just exploded. Seriously, you were everywhere. At one point, you sat on the hood of my car and I could barely see the road. You kept going on about how you were so much cooler than Spring. And that’s not the only time. He’s a nervous wreck now. It’s like you leave just long enough for him to think it’s safe to come and visit again, then you jump out from behind the bushes and just pummel him. Last I heard, he’s in counselling. You’ve got to get along better with him.

And this year, let’s cool it with the mood swings. When you arrive, you’re always light and happy. You get a bit brisk, but that’s just who you are. I’ve gotten used to it. Then, all of a sudden, you get really bitter and heavy. Everything is dark and gloomy, and you won’t let me go anywhere to hang with other people. You get these really bad temper tantrums, sometimes just turning off the power because, “nobody like me anymore!” Did you take my advice and go to a doctor? It really seems like it might be schizophrenia. It got really bad last year when they were calling you “The Polar Vortex.” That was the worst I’ve seen of you in a long time. After the nasty temper tantrums, you get really cold and won’t talk to anyone. People freeze just being in the same area as you. I know people can suck, but you got to warm up to them a bit. Most people are really quite nice.

Anyways, those are the big things I wanted to address. Like I said, I’m really looking forward to chilling with you this year and I hope our time will be well spent. If you don’t tell the others, you’re really my favourite guest. Summer thinks she’s way too hot, and Autumn is depressed all the time. I think she might be sick, too. That much hair should not fall out of a person. Spring is friendly, but he gets a bit too cheery sometimes. And he always brings Rain with him, and he’s just a major downer. I can’t deal with all the waterworks. But I’m ranting.

Welcome back, Snow. 

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